Welcome to Post-Apocalyptic Media’s Car-maggeddon Tournament, where we’ve pitted popular vehicles from various wastelands against one another in a battle to the death!
There are 20 vehicles of different shapes and sizes. Who will win and be crowned the Wasteland Winner?
Note: These vehicles are from movies only and one vehicle per movie. (And no space ships or aircraft)
How will Car-maggeddon work? Each Saturday, we will pitch two vehicles against one another based on six criteria (listed below)!
Reliability/Functionality
Does the car have a tendency to break down? To lose parts? Can you sleep in it?
Offense
Does the vehicle have any weapons or other ways to take out the competition?
Defense
What armor (if any) does it have? How hard would it be for a zombie to get inside it or for someone to take out the driver from outside?
Speed
Can it outrun any threats, or does it just trundle along?
Power
Can it ram its way out of anything holding it back?
Aesthetics
This is basically a tie-breaker. In the battle, which vehicle has a higher “coolness factor” or matches best the wasteland look?
Check out the roaster below to see upcoming battles! Once every battle is complete in Round 1, the winners will move on to round 2.
Round 1, Battle 3:
Snowpeircer from Snowpeircer (2013) and the Law Master motorcycle from Judge Dredd (1995)
You had to expect a few battles that aren’t entirely realistic, right? Here’s one of them! At 1,001 cars long, entering the ring is Snowpeircer (from the 2013 movie, not the recent show). It’s a circumnavigational train that has been built to withstand perpetual winter. Pitted against it is one of the underdogs of the Car-maggeddon tournament: Judge Dredd’s Law Master motorcycle. We’re not told in the movie what model of bike it’s based on, but according to the Internet Movie Car Database, the bikes were made from scratch for the film, each with 650cc engines.
In what scenario would you ever need to pit a train against a bike? One option would be if you were attempting to board the train to steal from it. Or if you were after someone inside …
The Vehicles!
This time we’ll approach the most important aspect first: which of these vehicles is the coolest? Obviously, Snowpeircer, given, well, the snow, but bad puns aside, these two are on par. Motorcycles are always cool, but an improbable train ten miles long? Also super cool. I honestly can’t decide.
In terms of functionality, Snowpeircer wins hands down. The Law Master is easy enough to push around if it breaks, but Snowpeircer is designed as a self-sustaining fort. True, you need an engineer to drive it and maintenance crews, but even if Snowpeircer breaks, you could still sleep in it quite safely (and comfortably, as long as you’re in first class).
In terms of power and speed, the train is more powerful (in terms of ramming speed, if something were on the track), but a motorcycle is faster. You could also drive a motorcycle off a ramp and into the train (in theory).
Yet, were you to somehow stick the landing on top of a moving train, in terms of the defense, Snowpeircer is pretty tough. Yeah, it can only go one way, but its armor that can withstand -100 degree temperatures, and you would pretty much need a nuke to get into it. The Law Master can shoot all its weapons (guns, laser, stun grenades) at it, to no avail. And the Law Master suffers when it comes to defense. On a bike, you’re a risk to a lot of factors: being close-lined, being shot off the bike, losing your helmet and being unable to see at high speeds, or simply flung off in an explosion or a tire spike.
But could Snowpericer actively do anything against a motorcycle? Not really. The train wasn’t built with any offensive measure whatsoever. It just … goes in a long, long circle. As such, the Law Master could indeed accomplish its goals of breaking into the train by derailing it completely. Not in a direct attack, but by racing ahead and blowing up the tracks. Snowpeircer exists not as a practical post-apocalyptic solution but as a scenario in which to demonstrate class inequality. As such, because it’s a gosh-darn train that runs on a track, if the track breaks, then the train breaks. Who is maintaining those tracks? No one, that’s who.
It just goes back to the old saying: it’s not the size, but how you use it. In this regard, the Law Master has proven it is judge, jury, and executioner when it comes to Snowpiercer.
WINNER, Round 1, Battle 3: Law Master from Judge Dredd
Next Saturday, we’ll see who can survive longest: the Mercury Marquis from Stakeland or the Escalade from Zombieland! Let us know in the comments, on our Facebook group, or on Twitter who you think will win! Throw in the hashtag #car-maggeddon !
Check out the other battles here:
Battle 1: Mad Max’s Pursuit Special vs. the Mustang from Cherry 2000
Battle 2: The Bus from Dawn of the Dead vs. the Tank from Tank Girl
