I decided to search for “ebola” on Amazon to see what I would find. And this selection is … special. All were published, conveniently, in October 2014 — but I’m sure that was just coincidence. From books with “WE ALL ARE GOING TO DIE” covers to sweet little romances that just happen to overlap with ebola, this list has it all. Do you dare to read on?
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Our Top 6 Terrible Books
It’s one thing if you dreamed of an ebola apocalypse and wrote a story several years ago, only to profit now. It’s quite another if you saw stories about ebola on Facebook and WROTE A BOOK IN A FEW DAYS just for the lolz.
#6. Ebola Pandemic Survival Guide – Published on October 6
Yep, this little beauty was conveniently published right when ebola was hitting Dallas and people were starting to panic. Oh sure, maybe they were already writing the book and just waiting on the right time to release it. Riiiight? I mean, the description even reads: “Memorize this and you’ll practically have X-ray vision, and be able to tell who around you merely has the sniffles…or something, much, much worse…” Because, doctors don’t need to send the blood to the CDC for testing, they can tell with those helpful tips too, right? Right?
One reviewer, who’s on the author’s email list, helpfully wrote: “He/she/it spent a lot of time today teaching people how to game Amazon … and is BRAGGING about it.”
#5. She Has Ebola: A Love Story
If you thought “A Fault in Our Stars” was good, then just imagine how much you’ll love “SHE HAS EBOLA,” published conveniently on October 8.
The books are cheap, just 99 cents apiece, but they’re apparently also only about 5 pages long each, according to reviewers. They range from “The Ebola Conspiracy” to “Irreversible Damage: An Ebola Short Story” and “The Ebola Escalation.” But I don’t want to rag on the author too much. His bio says that he owns two cats and I kinda don’t want to harm their support system.
#4. Ebola: Be Afraid, Be Very Afraid
No, we’re not kidding. From the title that literally tells us to BE AFRAID to the cover that shows silhouettes gunning people down and a dying hand reaching out from the chaos, this book is pure fear-mongering at its finest.
Conveniently published October 12, 2014. Only $2.99 on Kindle. Gotta love the description too, which subtly tells us: “Download now and learn everything that you NEED TO KNOW about the deadly Ebola virus, before it’s too late.”
By the way, this is from the series “Ebola – The Killer Virus Book 1.” Looks like there’s more to come. Yippee!
#3. OBAMA INVENTED EBOLA: The Illuminati Truth 100%
(NOTE as of 11/2/14: This book is no longer available on Amazon. Awwww, sold out? But now you can buy: What Obama Doesn’t Want You to Know About Ebola instead!!!!)
This book has so many conspiracy theorist buzzwords that I almost couldn’t get to the description. Published October 11, 2014 (of course), this book pulls no punches, including the “punch” of publishing fiction disguised as nonfiction.
First, the obvious question, why would Obama invent Ebola? And how did he even do it when Ebola was discovered in the 1970s? Talk about planning ahead…
Throw in the added twist that the author says he used to work for the NSA. Authors are listed as “EBOLA” (impressive!), “ILLUMINATI” and “Barakc Obama.” Obviously because the author can’t share his real name, since he’s running from the NSA. Of course.
#2. Ebola Holocaust
This next one has pretty much everything you could want in a conspiracy book. From being published in August 2014 (two months before panic set in!), to combining Ebola with the Nazis, there’s not much more you could possibly want. *cough*facts*cough*
I mean, the book is called EBOLA HOLOCAUST. It features a pic of the Ebola virus OVER THE FREAKING SWASTIKA. This is kind of the end-all be-all of crazy Ebola conspiracy marketing.
Last but not least…
#1. The Engraved Ebola Leather Journal
I…. I don’t really know what to say about this journal. Or more accurately, journal/log book/logbook. It’s imitation leather with EBOLA HEMORRHAGIC FEVER engraved in gold on the top. For… what purpose? Would a CDC worker use it to take notes on the virus’s progression? Would an infected patient ask his family for this? “Hey, I caught Ebola! Can you order me the special engraved Ebola leather journal so I can use it as my diary while I’m in isolation?”
I mean, I really don’t get it. Maybe it’s just a setup for creating a new television series like The Vampire Diaries, only called The Ebola Diaries instead. Rather than a vampire love interest, we have an Ebola carrier love interest who can kill with just one kiss. Actually, that sounds like something that would really be produced. :-/